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From Full House To All Alone
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Experts say the sudden vacuum
after the kids move out
can help revitalize your relationship.

The household silence that follows the departure of children can be often deafening for a couple accustomed to the cacophony of carpooling, sleepovers, and after school activities. Many are left wondering, "What now?" Some couples celebrate their freedom by exploring the new facets in their post-children marriage. Others, particularly those whose relationships were hard hit by the pressures of parenthood, either take the time to mend the war wounds or decide to part ways.

It's all in a matter of how you face this new phase together.

"This doesn't have to be a traumatic [time]," say marriage therapists Cathy and Steve Brody. Their book, Renew Your Marriage at Midlife, gives practical advice on tackling the transition from parenthood back to couplehood. "Indeed, for many relationships it can be a subtle process involving gradual career changes, more financial planning toward retirement, and exploring new ways of spending time together as a couple," they add.

The Brodys emphasize that communication is the ultimate factor that will keep an empty nest marriage thriving and intimate. "Talk with your partner to clarify and redefine your new roles within the changing family landscape," the Brodys advise. "How successful you are will depend not only on your ability to communicate, but how similar you are in your desires to do so. Studies show that couples with partners who communicate to a similar degree are happier than couples where one spouse wants to share far more than the other."

In addition to keeping the communication channels open, you'll need to re-orient your focus from taking care of the kids to taking care of each other, suggest empty nesters David and Claudia Arp, marriage counselors and authors of The Second Half of Marriage: Facing the Eight Challenges of Every Long-Term Marriage.

Their research has unearthed eight solutions to the common conflicts that can plague a couple phasing out childcare, including how to maintain a vibrant and solid friendship.

"Long-term marriages have staying power because they are held together from within--from the inner core of the relationship," say the Arps. "The greatest indicator of a healthy long-term marriage is having a strong couple-friendship."


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