LIVE CALL-IN WORKSHOP RELAUNCH: Friday, Sept. 5th, 2008
We are preparing for our re-launch of our First Friday Call-in Workshops on Professional and Personal Development. If you wish for us to have a particular Thought Leader, please email us at Coaches @ CoachingCircles . com (no spaces). via phone, free
Participate in as Infidelity / Affairs Event
Workshops, seminars, conferences, etc. Get out there and participate! Events either in person or over the phone (worldwide access).
Affair-Proof Your Marriage by Dr. Phil
You can't control your partner's behavior, but you don't have to set yourself up to get hurt either. Innoculate yourself against infidelity by making sure you're attentive, involved and plugged in to your marriage.
Suspect Your Partner is Having an Affair?
Remember that people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Look for the common sense warning signs: A shift in patterns, accessibility, money, reliability and secrecy. A sudden great interest in grooming or dress, going to the gym, or putting on cologne. Also, remember not to accuse your partner because of unhealthy jealousy, which could hurt the trust.
If You Are Having Problems:
- Turn toward your partner — not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. All that does is create problems.
- Don't play games in your head. It is a short step from thought to action.
- Don't confuse reality with fantasy. We often forget that there's a difference between falling in love and being in love. You can't expect a love that grows to be like it was on the first date.
Q & A with Dr. Jackie Black Facilitated by Coaching Circles Comments (0) Q. I have been in a 30 year marriage (married @ 16) and about a year and a half ago found out my husband has been having an affair. The most difficult thing for me to cope with is the way he has been treating me since the day he told me he wanted to have her as a 'girlfriend'. He has been nothing short of cruel, which is the exact opposite of the way we both treated each other our whole lives, very lovingly and kind. I saw the show Science of the Sexes, (Love), and caught something about different stages people go through during crisis. Mention was made about a stage where they discount the other person--could you tell me where I could find more information on this subject?
I am in crisis, and do not understand a whole lot of what is going on in relation to the treatment I have been getting. There are so many issues that are complicating any hope for us even communication and I feel we need some expert advice to help us trudge through this.
A. You are very wise to recognize that you are in crisis.
Finding out or being told that one’s partner had or is having an affair is just like being hit by a speeding train! An emotional rupture occurs that is just as real and just as serious as it would be if your body had been mutilated by the speeding train.
Your husband’s cold and indifferent attitude toward you and about this devastating betrayal only adds insult to injury, I know. You are quite correct: Your husband’s behavior is nothing short of cruel.
At this time you must attend to your wounds and to your recovery. You have just become the most important person in your life!
At some future time you can address your relationship and the options and choices you may have related to your husband and your marriage. None of that can be attended to now.
It’s as if you are in the Emergency Room now and the task at hand is to stop the bleeding and get you into surgery. After surgery and some time to recover, you can turn your attention to your marriage and your husband.
I urge you to find a professional in your area and begin to do what might very well be the hardest interpersonal work you have ever done in your life. Perhaps your physician, a friend or your local mental health care association can offer reputable referrals. Call several possibilities and decide who might be a good fit for you.
There are several theories related to the stages of relationship. Not a single theory suggests that it is normal or acceptable to discount one’s partner or to have an affair with impunity! While some bad behaviors might be more predictable in one stage or another, please be clear that no responsible health care professional or coach would offer any excuses or good reasons for your husband’s cruel and disrespectful behavior.
I wish you well and I will hold positive, healing thoughts of you in my heart.
Take very good care of you. You are worth it!
Q&A With Bill & Stephanie O’Hanlon Facilitated by Coaching Circles Comments (0)
Q. My husband and I have been married just a couple of months. Recently I've noticed him flirting with other women at parties and giving one woman a kiss that was beyond friendly. I've always trusted him, having known him for three years before we got married, but is this trust misplaced?
A. From what you wrote, it sounds like up to this point his trust worthiness hasn't been an issue. First, be clear about what you consider violations of faithfulness and trust in the relationship. Is kissing a woman on the cheek okay? Is kissing her on the mouth not okay? Is having dinner alone with a woman okay? Is flirting okay? Sometimes couples have assumptions rather than clear agreements about what the boundaries are.
Some people become a little wiggy after getting married. They start acting more like a parent than a spouse and expect their partner to act a specific way. Or they just find that certain issues are activated (like commitment or monogamy). We knew a couple with whom this happened and it started to cause big problems in their relationship. They had to acknowledge the problem and then go back to what had worked for them when they were living together before they got married.
The bottom line is: talk to your husband about what he is doing that bothers you and figure out what is going on without making accusations or jumping to any conclusions, and then go from there.
Q. My boyfriend has an old girlfriend who e-mails him every day. He's a loyal person and I am deeply in love with him. I feel petty, but I can't help feeling jealous. Any thoughts?
A. Several years ago we became friends with a couple in which the male partner, a very loyal and caring guy, was still friends with all his old girlfriends. Our friends' relationship seemed to work out all right. Some people can maintain friendships with former partners and stay within the boundaries. Or perhaps your boyfriend, like Bill, has what we call the "nice guy syndrome" in that he has difficulty saying no to other people. Nice guys end up spending lots of time and energy taking care of other people's needs and making sure no one gets upset with them. We think it's all in the balance. How much do the ex-girlfriend's e-mails cut into your time together? Do you feel your boyfriend is just being loyal to her or do you feel either one is over-invested in the relationship? Be up front with your boyfriend, but bring it up as a concern, not an accusation. Tell him that you feel petty, but that his contact with her is bothering you.
“Healing from Infidelity” by Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW
Life certainly has its challenges, but little compares to the monumental task of healing from infidelity.
from Parade Magazine/SmartMarriages free
“Online Infidelity” by AAMFT
An estimated 20 to 33 percent of Internet users go online for sexual purposes; most are male, about 35 years old, married with children, and well educated. free
The Secret DVD
DVD / MOVIE: The Power of Positive Thinking to attracting more money, better health, and relationships; in short, happiness.
The Art of Sex Coaching: Expanding Your Practice
BOOK: "There is a great deal of good information in this volume… [a] pragmatic and unique book." ~ Stephanie Buehler, PHD
TOP 10 Books on Personal Finance & Investing: March '07
1. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind
By T. Harv Eker 2. Rich Dad, Poor Dad
By Robert T. Kiyosaki, Sharon L. Lechter ...
Affair-Proof Your Marriage by Dr. Phil
Q & A with Dr. Jackie Black Facilitated by Coaching Circles 
Q&A With Bill & Stephanie O’Hanlon Facilitated by Coaching Circles 
