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Affair-Proof Your Marriage by Dr. Phil
You can't control your partner's behavior, but you don't have to set yourself up to get hurt either. Innoculate yourself against infidelity by making sure you're attentive, involved and plugged in to your marriage.
Suspect Your Partner is Having an Affair?
Remember that people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Look for the common sense warning signs: A shift in patterns, accessibility, money, reliability and secrecy. A sudden great interest in grooming or dress, going to the gym, or putting on cologne. Also, remember not to accuse your partner because of unhealthy jealousy, which could hurt the trust.
If You Are Having Problems:
- Turn toward your partner — not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. All that does is create problems.
- Don't play games in your head. It is a short step from thought to action.
- Don't confuse reality with fantasy. We often forget that there's a difference between falling in love and being in love. You can't expect a love that grows to be like it was on the first date.
Rebuilding Their Union by Dr. Phil Five and a half years into their marriage, Stacy and Chris, a Dr. Phil Family, ask for help rebuilding their union. Dr. Phil offers this advice.
1. Have a solid friendship.
2. Meet each others' needs.
3. Set specific goals.
4. Get back to basics.
5. Take responsibility.
6. Turn the negatives into a to-do list.
Q & A with Dr. Jackie Black Facilitated by Coaching Circles Comments (0) Q. I have been in a 30 year marriage (married @ 16) and about a year and a half ago found out my husband has been having an affair. The most difficult thing for me to cope with is the way he has been treating me since the day he told me he wanted to have her as a 'girlfriend'. He has been nothing short of cruel, which is the exact opposite of the way we both treated each other our whole lives, very lovingly and kind. I saw the show Science of the Sexes, (Love), and caught something about different stages people go through during crisis. Mention was made about a stage where they discount the other person--could you tell me where I could find more information on this subject?
I am in crisis, and do not understand a whole lot of what is going on in relation to the treatment I have been getting. There are so many issues that are complicating any hope for us even communication and I feel we need some expert advice to help us trudge through this.
A. You are very wise to recognize that you are in crisis.
Finding out or being told that one’s partner had or is having an affair is just like being hit by a speeding train! An emotional rupture occurs that is just as real and just as serious as it would be if your body had been mutilated by the speeding train.
Your husband’s cold and indifferent attitude toward you and about this devastating betrayal only adds insult to injury, I know. You are quite correct: Your husband’s behavior is nothing short of cruel.
At this time you must attend to your wounds and to your recovery. You have just become the most important person in your life!
At some future time you can address your relationship and the options and choices you may have related to your husband and your marriage. None of that can be attended to now.
It’s as if you are in the Emergency Room now and the task at hand is to stop the bleeding and get you into surgery. After surgery and some time to recover, you can turn your attention to your marriage and your husband.
I urge you to find a professional in your area and begin to do what might very well be the hardest interpersonal work you have ever done in your life. Perhaps your physician, a friend or your local mental health care association can offer reputable referrals. Call several possibilities and decide who might be a good fit for you.
There are several theories related to the stages of relationship. Not a single theory suggests that it is normal or acceptable to discount one’s partner or to have an affair with impunity! While some bad behaviors might be more predictable in one stage or another, please be clear that no responsible health care professional or coach would offer any excuses or good reasons for your husband’s cruel and disrespectful behavior.
I wish you well and I will hold positive, healing thoughts of you in my heart.
Take very good care of you. You are worth it!
“Online Infidelity” by AAMFT
An estimated 20 to 33 percent of Internet users go online for sexual purposes; most are male, about 35 years old, married with children, and well educated. free
“Healing from Infidelity” by Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW
Life certainly has its challenges, but little compares to the monumental task of healing from infidelity.
from Parade Magazine/SmartMarriages free
Affair-Proof Your Marriage by Dr. Phil
Rebuilding Their Union by Dr. Phil 
Q & A with Dr. Jackie Black Facilitated by Coaching Circles 
