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From Full House To All Alone By Coaching Circles Staff Writer
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Experts say the sudden vacuum
after the kids move out
can help revitalize your relationship.
The household silence that follows the departure of children can be often deafening for a couple accustomed to the cacophony of carpooling, sleepovers, and after school activities. Many are left wondering, "What now?"
Some couples celebrate their freedom by exploring the new facets in their post-children marriage. Others, particularly those whose relationships were hard hit by the pressures of parenthood, either take the time to mend the war wounds or decide to part ways.
It's all in a matter of how you face this new phase together.
"This doesn't have to be a traumatic [time]," say marriage therapists Cathy and Steve Brody. Their book, Renew Your Marriage at Midlife, gives practical advice on tackling the transition from parenthood back to couplehood.
"Indeed, for many relationships it can be a subtle process involving gradual career changes, more financial planning toward retirement, and exploring new ways of spending time together as a couple," they add.
The Brodys emphasize that communication is the ultimate factor that will keep an empty nest marriage thriving and intimate.
"Talk with your partner to clarify and redefine your new roles within the changing family landscape," the Brodys advise. "How successful you are will depend not only on your ability to communicate, but how similar you are in your desires to do so. Studies show that couples with partners who communicate to a similar degree are happier than couples where one spouse wants to share far more than the other."
In addition to keeping the communication channels open, you'll need to re-orient your focus from taking care of the kids to taking care of each other, suggest empty nesters David and Claudia Arp, marriage counselors and authors of The Second Half of Marriage: Facing the Eight Challenges of Every Long-Term Marriage.
Their research has unearthed eight solutions to the common conflicts that can plague a couple phasing out childcare, including how to maintain a vibrant and solid friendship.
"Long-term marriages have staying power because they are held together from within--from the inner core of the relationship," say the Arps. "The greatest indicator of a healthy long-term marriage is having a strong couple-friendship."
Q&A With Bill & Stephanie O’Hanlon Facilitated by Coaching Circles Comments (0)
Q. Our children are both in college and my wife and I are learning each other all over again. We often fight the way we used to fight before the children were born. Is this typical?
A. Transition times can be really challenging in couples’ relationships, such as having a baby, when the kids start school, or leave home and retirement. This is the core idea behind Love-Track.com: to help couples move through these developmental phases.
Now that your children have left for college, you are faced with reconnecting and creating a new direction and new vision for your individual and shared lives. It’s not uncommon to have tension and conflict during this transition process, especially if you aren’t clear about what is happening. We suggest you both discuss what you want the relationship to be. Instead of floundering in the remnants of what was and now is no longer, be proactive in creating a shared vision of the future of your relationship. Some people rekindle a close, intimate connection during this phase of their relationships. Others reach outward to make contributions to their communities that they didn’t have the time, energy or resources to do earlier in their family life. It’s like planning an exciting trip together: Where do you want to go? How do you want to spend your time? What do you want to see?
Ten Reasons to Celebrate the Empty Nest By Coaching Circles Staff Writer Comments (0) Feeling a little wistful as you wave goodbye to your child as she drives off to college? Here are ten reasons to look forward to life beyond raising the kids:
- Enjoying dinner in bed.
- Taking up flirting again.
- Running around the house naked.
- Finishing whole sentences, even conversations.
- Making it through dinner without the phone ringing.
- Remembering why you fell in love in the first place.
- Meeting your friends for a spontaneous round of drinks.
- Completing a meal without once saying "quit playing with your food."
- Indulging yourself on a spa visit with the extra money you save on groceries.
- Kissing passionately in the living room without hearing someone say "yuck!"
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From Full House To All Alone By Coaching Circles Staff Writer
Q&A With Bill & Stephanie O’Hanlon Facilitated by Coaching Circles 
Ten Reasons to Celebrate the Empty Nest By Coaching Circles Staff Writer 
